i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
