i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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