Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
