im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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