We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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