I wish I could teleport
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
