..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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