Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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