My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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