Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
