You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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