he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
