Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
