is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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