So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
