You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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