Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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