Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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