My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
