i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
