OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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