This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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