that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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