Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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