just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize