Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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