Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
