I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize