While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
