My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
