Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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