Tell her she can't have a vagina
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
