I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
