Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
