we're chasing vodka with high fives
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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