You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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