we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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