It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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