Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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