I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
