Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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