What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
