i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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