nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
