on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I did not marry a roomba.
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