sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
