sarcasm needs its own font
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You left your underwear on the fireplace
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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