Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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