I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
