The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
