The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
