Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
