so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
