dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
