Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
