you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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