I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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