dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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