So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
