Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
do herpes really smell.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
