wanna go halves on a baby?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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