I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
