I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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