There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
