i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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