Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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