Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm at about main and main street
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
