She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
