Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
