I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
