My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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