Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
