You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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