Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
