Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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