how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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