I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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