the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
