I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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